Must Be In The Kool Aid

“If you’re twenty, and not a liberal, you have no soul… If you’re forty and not a conservative, you have no brain.”

Ever hear this one before? This is possibly one of my favorite righty jokes of all time! Delivery and timing are impeccable, and the level of condescension just gets you right in the cockles doesn’t it? And in a lot of ways, this characterizes how a lot of conservatives view the world… I think. I’ve never really dabbled in the mind of a conservative, it’s scary in there.

But yeah, it’s that old grandpa attitude…”when I was a boy I walked three miles every day to school uphill both ways in the snow! And when I got to school I was PROUD to have an education, and GRATEFUL that I had so much as a tea cozy to cover my nether regions!” My response to that one is that I actually did walk a mile and a half every day to the bus stop, I liked school, I did go through a few spots there when I was wearing the poor folk shoes (pro-wings), and as for the snow… Ain’t global warming a bitch?

And then you have the Michael J. Fox in Family Ties young conservative who, much like a 13 year old girl who sneaks into mommy’s make up stash so she can look like big sis, will idolize the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity just so that they can appear healthy wealthy and wise.

Because older people always know what they are talking about, and the old way of doing things is always best. Take the mayor of Sin City. This guy’s Old Skool, FoShizzle! He’s so old school, in fact, that he’s seriously wanting to not only cut off the thumbs of vandals, but he also wants to televize it!

Now, I’m a progressive, and I’m a pretty open minded one at that. I’m also, believe it or not, a capitalist, so my thoughts are…Pay Per View. This is a serious gold mine! We could round up all the vandals captured in a months period, and instead of cutting off all of their thumbs, we’ll cut off only one, but only after a tournament of “Last Man Standing” death matches! Aw, it’ll be sweet; foreign objects, steel cages, homemade signs!

And there is no way that the WWE could compete with a thirteen year old kid getting his thumb hacked off by Joe Law!

Or… we can re-enter the land of the sane.

(This is mostly satire… except for the mayor who wants to actually mutilate the hands of children, that was real. All my more level headed conservative friends, I still love ya, just disagree with ya! Have a great weekend and I hope to be back in my normal frame of mind by next week)

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