Mad Max vs. The Terminator

California, my state of origin, and official place of residence at least until the middle of next year, is often a cause for mixed emotions for me. Sometimes, it makes me smile much like when your child does something cute like make you a home made greeting card. Sometimes it makes me shake my head resignedly much like your child when she tries to reproduce said greeting card on the walls with shoe polish. And sometimes still, it makes me cringe, much like when you find your child with all her hair standing on end and her skin charred after playing in a light socket (incidentally, this is the same cringe both my parents wore when one evening I ran into their bedroom screaming, “I SAW THE FIRE!” after trying to plug in a football game with an almost, but not quite, completely severed power cord). It would be this latter cringe with which I’m currently afflicted.

We Californians love our celebrities. They are almost kind of like an extra landmark. We have Golden Gate Park, Disneyland, and Tom Cruise. So one can’t begrudge the state for occasionally electing one of these celebrities to public office. When TV Cowboy Ronnie Reagan decided he wanted to trade in his spurs for an office in Sacramento, we gave him the thumbs up. A generation or so later, cowboys weren’t quite as popular, but murderous cyborgs were all the rage, and so … Arnie.

Arnie started off decently, posting approval numbers in the 60’s, and then he started to govern. Well there went most of the Democrats who liked him, as well as a chunk of the moderates. Then, after suffering a pretty hefty loss when all four of his proposals were beaten in a special election held last month, Arnie did the unimaginable; he hired a Democrat.

Giving the nod to Susan Kennedy to be his Chief of Staff wasn’t very well received by other members of The Governators party. So much so that the state GOP board held a closed door wrist slapping session with the Austrian born Governor.

But none of that is what makes me cringe. No, that would almost be business as usual. Where things get ugly is another offshoot of the backlash of Arnie not conforming to the ultra conservative movement has been the threat to … run Mel Gibson against him in the primaries next year! Think I’m joking? I’m not, they seriously even have a website for it! A serious one. Well, okay, maybe it’s a little pathetic, unless you really feel that one’s filmology is crucial to their ability to govern, but then again, this is California we’re talking about.

Now I like Mel. I think he’s an okay actor who’s greatest talent on screen has always been his ability to come off as genuine. Mad Max was pretty awesome for it’s time and budget, and come on, who could forget Lethal Weapon (at least until they started making Joe Pesci a main character)?

On the contrary, Arnie’s been in some pretty awesome movies, but they were none of them awesome because of him. Predator wasn’t a cool movie because Arnie had top billing, but because of the cool invisible alien monster thingy with the infrared vision and the shoulder cannon. Also because of Jesse Ventura who coined phrases as cool as, “it’ll make you a sexual tyranasaurus, like me.”

Man “The Body” was cool in that movie.

Oh, right, yeah, governors. The fact of the matter is that Mel is just cooler. Also, to add to the film credits, Mel did another little movie called, The Passion of the Christ. The controversial flick made lots of money, got snubbed at the oscars, and I personally was afflicted with a severe case of not caring, so much so that I never saw it. I have a passing familiarity with the death of Jesus Christ, and if at any time I feel like I wanna know more, I’ll read the book (the book’s always better anyway). But at the same time, this gives us a clue as to why the Californian wingnuttery is trying to draft the actor/director to take over the current Celeb in Chief for the state.

My take? I think this could be fun. Instead of having a campaign, they could do a movie battle! Arnie vs. Mel! Mad Max vs. The Terminator! Mel can throw on his spiked shoulder pads while Arnie dons once again his metallic prostetics, and they could duke it out on screen with Tina Turner cheering on Mel and Linda Hamilton rooting for Arnie. In the end whoever comes out on top gets the nod for the general election.

Whatever the case, there is one thing I’m sure of, unless the Democratic party comes up with a decent candidate that could take either man down, I’ll be very glad to call myself a Virginian resident this time next year.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Connect with Facebook