I Hate Being Liberal (Evil)

By the time I started writing about this, about every liberal(evil) blogger and their dog has probably written something about this, and usually that’s the sign for me to lay off. But you know, I’m feeling particularly liberal(evil) today, so I just can’t resist.

I don’t know, maybe in all my liberalism (evilness), I think that if we keep slamming Newt Gingrich for every dumb thing he says, maybe he’ll just leave the public life as he ought to.

Here’s the quote:

“I want to say to the elite of this country – the elite news media, the
liberal academic elite, the liberal political elite: I accuse you in
Littleton…of being afraid to talk about the mess you have made, and being afraid
to take responsibility for things you have done, and instead foisting upon the
rest of us pathetic banalities because you don’t have the courage to look at the
world you have created.”

And he goes on to blame our liberal(evil) culture of forty years being the number one reason behind the Virginia Tech shootings.

*sigh*

I’m sorry. Newt’s right. I’ve been living with this torment for a long time, and I think that I’ve finally broken. It’s been difficult living these past years as a liberal (evil person), knowing that I was willingly living a life that I KNEW would result in the decline of the world around me.

While my liberal (evil) brethren around me willfully and knowingly reveled in the destruction of morality and values, I joined in… but not with the same level of intensity and joy. I continued on knowing that liberal (evil) values included killing God, banning the bible (I mean, they are one in the same when you think about it), burning the flag, deconstructing the constitution, and above all else, putting guns in the hands of mentally ill people so that they could kill their class mates.

In fact, I remember not long ago attending a liberal (evil) conference in Pittsburgh, and I remember the high liberal (evil mastermind) said that we were nearly at the promised land… that our liberal (evil) goal was nearly at hand.

Everyone else cheered, my hands stayed firmly in their pockets as my conscience wrestled with what it was a part of. Was this right? Did we liberals (evil people) really think that this was the way to better the world?

No. We were wrong. But alas, I was too late. I remained silent when I should have spoken up. I should have warned the liberals (evil people) that this would end in tragedy, not greatness? Why didn’t I take up the gospel according to brother Newt?

I don’t know, but I know now that it is the right time. It is time to slough off this liberal (evil) mantel. It is time I found God again (I plan on looking in several places I think he might be hiding in. My dad once told me that God likes to hide in the liquor cabinet, and that’s why he went there all the time. He wasn’t trying to sneak in a quick swig of booze, he was just trying to commune with our holy maker). It is time I turned conservative (good).

Brother Newt tells us that if we vote Republican, then the world will be healed, that good solid Christian values (such as, I don’t know slavery[not condemned by the bible], or murder [condemned, but shakily, I mean, let’s face it, the bible is a little shaky on the subject of taking another life]) will return to our great nation, and all will be right with the world.

So today, I beseech you to join me. Condemn the liberal (evil) agenda! Let’s send a message to the ignorant liberals(evil people) that we will not let this evil (liberalism) foster longer…

or…

Maybe Newt should probably quit trying to blame everything on us. Really, man, do you listen to the words that come out of your mouth? Obviously, the man has not taken my challenge of a few days ago. And ultimately, I would express some wish for the man to take his foot out of his mouth for at least two or three seconds, but you know something? It’s funny.

It’s just too bad that the victims of the Virginia Tech tragedy had to be part of the punchline.

ps. You know, when Newt called Spanish the language of the ghetto, he apologized to the Spanish speaking community in Spanish. You think when he gets around to apologizing to us liberals, he’ll apologize in Liberalese?

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