Who Cries For Libby?

Who cries for I. Scooter Libby? Who mourns his ill-begotten fate?

Okay, stupid question, sorry about that folks. Trying his hand at plucking heart strings in Scooter’s favor, Richard Cohen delivers this bit of drivel courtesy the Washington Post.

I suppose the only real reason why I’m linking to this is that it bears all of what we have come to expect from the conservative uproar in favor of libby.

Let’s see here.

Pointing out that Libby didn’t out Plame?

But the underlying crime is absent, the sentence is excessive and the investigation should not have been conducted in the first place.

Check.

Minimizing the effect of the crime commited?

Cohen mentions Libby’s offense in two paragraphs, one small sentence each, and both times counterbalanced with other techniques, observe:

I have come to hate the war and I cannot approve of lying under oath — not by Scooter, not by Bill Clinton, not by anybody.

and

…he was appointed to look into a run-of-the-mill leak and wound up prosecuting not the leaker — Richard Armitage of the State Department — but Libby, convicted in the end of lying. This is not an entirely trivial matter since government officials should not lie to grand juries, but neither should they be called to account for practicing the dark art of politics. As with sex or real estate, it is often best to keep the lights off.

This one is a personal favorite as it not only mentions the real crime, it shoves it quickly under the carpet, and then makes a case for opaque, “dark art” politics. Yeah, because that would have nothing to do with the hatred Americans feel towards DC right now. For cramming so much ultra right spin and blather into such a small space, sir, I salute you!

Oh, and most definitely check.

Blaming Bill Clinton? We covered it once, but what the heck, let’s have a rerun?

I have come to hate the war and I cannot approve of lying under oath — not by Scooter, not by Bill Clinton, not by anybody.

As a point of intellectual curiosity, I’m just wondering what the statute of limitations for blaming Bill will be? Will this die down in the next decade? Or will it turn into a game that spans generations? Will I be able to teach it to my grandchildren? “Gather round, youngins. I’m gonna teach you a really popular game all the cool kids used to play when i was young.”

Check-a-roo!

How about blaming that nasty liberal media?

At the urging of the liberal press (especially the New York Times), he was appointed to look into a run-of-the-mill leak and wound up prosecuting not the leaker —

Got it! Though he mentions the liberal press, not the liberal media… maybe they’re different things…

Prosecutorial overreaching? In spades!

With the sentencing of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Fitzgerald has apparently finished his work, which was, not to put too fine a point on it, to make a mountain out of a molehill.

Which is a really good one because not only is Cohen slighting the argument against Libby’s crime, he’s slighting the argument about outing Plame in general. Forget she was covert at the time, you know… just a minor point. A piffle.

And in the end, what you have is a sob story. Let my Libby GO!

No, the only thing remarkable about this whole piece is how unremarkable and predictable it is. Observe how I apply the principles highlighted above to any argument… Let’s say, outlawing green balloons.

Green Balloons should be made illegal. The strings tied to the end of them are made in Iran, our sworn enemy, and therefore their usage helps terrorists win! So what if the balloons themselves are made in the USA out of environment freindly products? They are made by Liberalco, whose long ties with the New York Times and vocal opposition to the Bush administration have long since bouyed the vast liberal media and put our troops at risk, and while Bill Clinton’s cigar incident with Ms. Lewinski may have gotten most press (in the liberal media, might I add), what wasn’t written about was the GREEN BALLOON he gave her for Secretary Day.

*sigh* I finally did it, a full on rightwing attack blitz that covers just about all the bases. The string argument is the old Strawman, that has nothing to do with the issue at hand, the liberal media bias, ad hominem against the manufacturing company, and blaming Bill all settled in one fell swoop. Man… Fox News! Come get me! I’m ready! I just need a computer and a paycheck and I’m all yours!

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