Nice God You Got There

I like to think that I have a particular gift when it comes to the execution of epithets of particularly deserving people.  Still, when it comes to Mr. Fred Phelps, my sheer astonishment at how purely foul he is has left me in a position where my gift has abaondoned me.  Asshole?  Jackass? Mushy brained shit spewing machine?  They all fall limp and inadequate at his vile feet.

The one saving grace I’ve enjoyed for at least a short while has been the fact that Fred Phelps has for the most part stayed off my radar.  The gay bashing minister, known for protesting the funerals of soldiers who have died in the Iraq War because “God hates fags”, has been, thankfully, quiet.

Until now.

This man who has picketed the funeral of a boy beaten to death because he was gay, the same man who blamed the 9/11 attacks on America’s acceptance of homosexuality, has decided to gather his flock, and spread the Good Lord’s word to Minnesota.

What you have to understand is that the bridge collapse in Minneapolis had absolutely nothing to do with failing structural intregity, or being overburdened under its current structural strength, or even, believe it or not, as a result of Bush.  Damn, I don’t get to demonize him here.

No, as Fred Phelps see it:

That area of Minneapolis is like the fag-dominated Castro District of San Francisco.  There are no First Amendment rights in Minneapolis, because all fags are filthy and lawless ( 2 Pet. 2:7,8).  They died at the Bridge for the fag sins of Minneapolis in persecuting WBC’s missionaries.  Worse and more is coming from the Lord our God.  Better give our signs back.

I’m not kidding.  Not only did the bridge fall because of the gay people, but also because the WBC had a couple of signs stolen.  That, my friends, is one vengeful God.  I mean, what does he do for serious infractions?  Oh wait, right, that was what 9/11 was for.

Seriously, this would all be bust a gut laugh out loud if they weren’t dead serious, proven by a well established history of backing up their deranged words with actual protests in the midst of mourning people.  They really believe this shit.

As for Fred Phelps, well, I do think God has a plan for him too, just probably not the one he is expecting.

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