Because This Is The Most Important Thing About Being President

Warning!: It is heavily advised that prior to reading this article, you either tape firm padding to your forehead, or wear a helmet for safety.  Further, if you have any protruding nose piercings or eyebrow piercings, it is recommended that you remove them at this time.  It is also recommended that you apply padding to your desk and or the palm of your hand.

Are you in full compliance with the safety warning above?  Good.

Mike Huckabee just predicted he will win the South because Mitt Romney took the skin off of his fried chicken as opposed to eating it.  Boy, it’s pretty obvious why Huck is such a prominent player in the Republican field, isn’t it?

First question; what the hell does how you eat fried chicken have to do with governing a nation?  Dead serious here.  Romney could eat nothing but figs and orange juice and it would STILL have no bearing whatsoever on how capable he is at running the country.*

Further, I would switch my allegiances from Obama to Romney if Romney said three little words.  “Dude, grow up.”  If Romney upgrades that to, “Dude, grow the fuck up,” I’ll actively stump for him.

Sick item number one:  this actually has an astronomically improbably chance of working.  Given the arbitrary criteria by which some voters choose their candidate, I can actually hear someone’s thought process as I type: ‘Mitt Romney takes the skin off of his fried chicken?  What a yankee weirdo!  Screw it, I was thinkin’ ’bout votin’ for him, but now I’m shiftin’ over to Huckabee now.  Now I need to find me some gays to beat up.’

Sick item two: Huckabee himself hasn’t even eaten fried chicken in a while given the fact that he’s on a perpetual diet.  I can’t make this up, I wish I could, I would be a prize winning novelist by now.  But there you have it.  Not only does Huck pull out the absolutely lamest argument ever, he does it with just such an air of hypocrisy that it almost makes your head spin.

You may now pick your heads up from your desk now.  Thank you.

*Okay, so maybe orange juice and figs might be a bad idea.  There are health concerns, and if you really have a screwed up diet, it’s going to start affecting your thought processes.  So, I’m going to append this with, he’s fine if he sticks with orange juice and figs so long as he regularly takes a good multi-vitamin.

2 Responses to “Because This Is The Most Important Thing About Being President”

  1. Les says:

    Huck: grow the fuck up.
    Thanks Kyle, looking forward to your support.
    Mitt Romney

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Xpatriated Texan » Evening Herd - [...] The Republican campaign is getting fierce - Mike Huckabee is challenging Mitt Romney’s skinless fried chicken eating tactics. “If…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Connect with Facebook