Imagine my surprise today when a group of black girls and white boys interjected themselves in a fender bender they claim they witnessed. From where they were located, the most they could have witnessed was hearing it happen, certainly their line of sight made no sense. Not till we were stopped did they come up accusing me of hitting her. Well I was not denying I accidently bumped this woman (no damage on either car BTW), the problem is this one black girl kept getting involved, taking pics of my license and everything. Next thing you know she get in my face, I get in hers and we exchange derogatory comments. Now I NEVER use the “N” word and did not on this occasion, but I know for a fact that in the heat of my anger I certainly made implications. I just wanted them to mind their business and go cause I knew they saw nothing. Well she didn’t like that I mouthed back at her and with a closed fist this 17 year old girl sucker punched me. As I pushed her off of me, someone else calls the police and said I was assaulting her. Can you believe that? The reason they were staying was because I refused to give the other driver my information until the cops came to look at the accident scene. No way was I letting her take off with my insurance info only to have her potentially scam me later. BTW, the girl I bumped into was white and in the end we both got on our way. However what disturbed me most of all was my reaction to this young lady because of her BIG mouth and unwillingness to deject herself from a situation which did not involve her. Let me tell you, things came out of mouth I never would tolerate from anyone else.

Now I’m left with.. How could have I done this? How could I have let myself loose control and make blanket bigoted statements, which I know had no sound judgment or reason to them. Like you, I thought … I’m no racist, I’m better than this and yet I still feel DISGUSTED with myself. I just don’t know what’s happen to me. There are several social issues in the city of Halifax, which have left the black community jaded and rightly so. However, 50 years have passed and still many black people in NS harbor this jaded view of white people or “The Man”, how am I suppose to diffuse that? It doesn’t matter what I say, I’ve had black people find fault in all of it and don’t want to mend bridges. How do I deal with this? I’ve lived all over Canada and Europe, have frequented and lived in some of the largest cities, I’ve never had black people react to me so negatively, and vise versa. Back in Ontario I have a multitude of black friends and I wonder how I could have lost my view of a colorless world? This was never an issue for me till I moved to Nova Scotia. I now feel ashamed to have them call me ‘friend’ because now I feel like I don’t deserve it. These are people I respect and love, I feel like ‘ve totally let them down.

Like you I don’t want to believe this is in me, but the better part of me knows I have to confront it and I feel nothing but shame. I can honestly say that I know exactly where you are coming from. We were all pulling for Obama in my household and I was elated when he won the American Presidency, I just don’t understand how I could loose all site of my better judgment when I was confronted with this particular situation, it’s never happen to me.

If you’re willing, I would very much like to have an objective and positive discussion with you on this matter because it’s vital that it gets addressed if we’re ever to live in a “colorless world”.

Best regards.

A.

It’s terribly unfair, Hilzoy (Or maybe Publius, forgot to check the byline), has it in a nutshell. The Republicans have been felating some of the most disgusting and ugliest “spiritual leaders” known to man, and they get away with it time and again. I was in an argument over this with someone. They simply could not vote for Obama because he had a racist preacher. And I started talking about McCain, Hagee, Falwell, and all I got was mumbled stutters about not really knowing.

But he KNEW about Wright and Obama based upon a two minute youtube clip and hacked up analysis that he caught on tv. And it’s all UTTER BULLSHIT!

Where I was going with this post is the exact opposite of where Taylor Marsh went with Obama’s comment about his grandmother being a typical white woman. She took umberage because not all white people are racists like Obama’s grandma, but I think it’s the opposite. I think we all have these feelings to a greater or lesser degree, and because we don’t actually cope with them, because society has made racism a sin without first having the group therapy and rehab, we’re all supposed to be magically healed because it’s not politically correct.

And people don’t work that way.

So we got to cut all the bullshit because if we don’t, my daughters are going to have to fret about race relations with THEIR children. Isn’t that what this is all supposed to be about? Making a better world for our children? Except for race relations where everyone is too complacent, or too “old world”, or too embarrassed, or too absolutely frightened to confront the problems in this country and our ethnic fabric to leave what could be one of the greatest gifts for our children; a culture that is at least a little less fostered on hate.

Look at the young versus the old. Look how the young embrace homosexuality as part of our society easier than the old. THEY ARE DOING THE WORK. The shit WE are supposed to be doing they are doing the heavy lifting on, and shame on us, shame on us for allowing that too happen.

And what is worse, is that because of this petty desire to maintain this facade about ourselves, we are on the verge of losing the first president that is not black, that is not young, that is not intelligent, but the first president who is willing to sit down and talk to us like we are fucking adults. That is what was put at stake on Tuesday. We could have a president that actually appeals to our better angels as opposed to our lesser demons, and we’re going to throw that away because we’re too afraid to confront our racial tensions.

So yeah, I’m a little emotionally riffed right now, and this strikes me as one of the darker days of America. Not a black day, not an evil day, not 9-11, but a cough, a wheeze, and a slight stumble where we missed the opportunity to be something greater.

You hit the nail on the head with the distinction between “thoughts” and “behavior”. We are all products of our upbringing, and I suppose I could make a case that one generation’s thoughts reflect the behavior of the previous generation.

What really matters, though, is what you DO, not what you think. (This is a point my husband, a clinical psychologist, makes all the time.) It works in both directions, too. . Even if your involuntary thoughts could be labeled as racist (or sexist, or whatever), you don’t spread the racism “virus” if you choose to act in a manner that belies those thoughts. Similarly, having thoughts about volunteering time or donating money to a worthy cause doesn’t get the job done if you don’t follow through and act on those thoughts.

If you follow the generational argument I proposed above, then the actions we take (irrespective of our thoughts, which we may feel are shameful) shape the thoughts of our children’s generation. By working to pass and enforce nondiscrimination laws, for example (whether we do so out of feelings of guilt about our racist thoughts or for some other reason), we normalize racial intermingling for the generations that follow. The same argument can be made with regards to gender, sexual orientation, and so on.

By being aware of the uncharitable thoughts we harbor, it makes us super-conscious about our behavior, which is all to the good. This is the conclusion I reached recently when a friend of mine (who is a true and loving Christian) remarked that I was the kindest person she knew. I was shocked and felt unworthy, because I’m only too aware of all the times I think horrible things about people. But when I looked at it from the outside, and only reviewed my behavior, I could almost see her point. It certainly made me want to redouble my efforts to be the person she thinks I am.

And now look at the conversation you have started about racism (and all the other -isms by extension)!

I…

This is why I said what I did. I think we all have these feelings, but we refuse to admit them, and in the end what happens is because of that, because I’m afraid to sit next to my black friend and say, “You know what, I think some of the most retarded shit sometimes around black people, and I’m just really sorry man. It’s a dick move and I don’t act on it, but I wouldn’t feel like an honest dude without letting you know that that I don’t agree with it, but I can’t stop myself.” Or something like that.

We don’t do that, we take these feelings that we know are wrong, that society tells us are wrong, that are in fact wrong, but instead of dealing with them like adults and coping and learning to move on, we go in the totally wrong direction. And that’s humans, we were given feelings and emotions, and we really got no clue on how to cope with them.

I got a story about a friend. You could tell by his thick accent that he was from the South, and we’re not talking about the New South, oh no. Old South Gool Ol’ Boy, all the way. As it turns out, he was from Georgia.

Decent enough guy, hard worker, did anything you asked without question. And one day, while we were at sea, we were talking about whatever it is you talk about underway, and it comes out that he used to be a member of the KKK.

Part of me was shocked because, well, I never met a card-carrying member before, or at least if I had, I didn’t know. Actually, I think all of me was shocked because we had a racially diverse division at the time and he got along with everybody.

Well, as it turns out, he was born into the KKK. Apparently, you don’t get a choice if your parents were both members. He’s since left (he didn’t mention if his parents were still members or not) and he was talking about how unlike his parents, black people didn’t bother him. He liked black people, was friends with black people, and worked with black people.

But there was a line. He had said that if he had a daughter and she ever came home with a black man, he was grabbing his gun.

I’m still not sure where I stand on this story but in the end I think it does speak to a more societal shift, and the slow progress that is coming. We are informed by our primal senses and our environment and the people around us. And so you know, I think we all have graduations of these kinds of feelings at different levels and I think it is important that we recognize it, and open up on it, and recognize that perhaps there is no solid line of who’s a racist and who isn’t, but instead, okay, there’s a line of behavior that shouldn’t be crossed.

And I think it’s important to realize that people have different cultural experiences and for my friend who said that if his daughter comes home with a black man, he’s getting a gun, we have to put that in a sort of context in which we realize that, believe it or not, this is actual progress.

It would be too much for me to claim to have overcome racism. Habits formed early (I joined the ranks of the National Alliance neo-nazi group by the time I was 12 years old) do not disappear. But I do believe I have managed to draw the distinction between race, culture, and action that helps me identify racist thought and let go of it.

Sure, I tense up when a group of kids dressed like rap stars walks behind me - but this is a style of dress that is promulgated by people of all races who embrace and glorify killing, raping and stealing, actions I stand firmly opposed to. Is this racism? I don’t think so. You choose your clothes and your friends, and race has nothing to do with it unless you let it. Don’t conflate culture with race. We are a multicultural society, but what we are striving for is a society with a unique tapestry of cultures that makes up one human familial culture - a metacultural society, if you will. Not a melting pot, but a 7 course meal with every seasoning you could ask for.

It is instinct to judge quickly and intemperately - the human animal survived by making quick judgements about his environment. That is slowly changing and we are evolving away from that, but until that time, we remain subject to our instincts - to a certain degree. But mankinds greatest triumphs have ever been his triumphs of reason over instinct. Every time you excercise your neo-cortex to overcome your instinctive prejudice, you are doing the hard thing and fighting racism in yourself - and you are winning.

And finally, to address NBG - it is not self-hate or self-loathing to seek self-improvement. It is the powerfully human drive to imrove oneself and one’s environment - and to do that must come the recognition that the self and the environment needs improvement. Self-haters seek pity; what Kyle is doing is seeking solutions.

Anyway, you know, and this is the kind of discussion I want to have because, no, I don’t act on these impulses, but they exist, and they may surface themselves in ways I don’t recognize. In interesting conversation I was having with Matt a while back kind of illuminated me to this with sexism.

I guess, you get the point is that this thing is not something that any of us can really be above. So, I mean, I kinda consider myself a racist not because of what I do, but because the thoughts are still there. And damn it I want to reply to this more, but I’ve got too many distractions going on right now.

The fact that you work to overcome your instinctive aversion to other races, cultures, and appearances is precisely what makes you not a racist. You take stock in a person’s ethnicity as part of your first assessment… so what? It’s a basic part of the evolved human psychology to differentiate between kin and “the other”.

When you meet someone of another race do you act on your primary assessment, do you refuse to behave in anything but a bigoted manner? I doubt it, especially give the self-loathing over these feelings you exhibit in this very post. The very fact that you admit that you don’t live in a color-blind haze is precisely what sets you apart from a racist. You may not see the distinction, as surely NBG doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there.