One Of The Funny Things About Politics

One of the funny things about politics is how politicians speak.  It gets so ridiculous sometimes that I am forced to wonder if politicians don’t have their very own English dictionary.

Now, this special dictionary doesn’t provide the definition of political terms as one might expect, but would on the surface look very normal, complete with very normal words that we all use every day.

But there’s a catch.

Upon further investigation of these special political dictionaries one would find that the words are normal, it’s just that their definitions are all kinds of screwed up.  Take, for instance, Hillary Clinton’s definition of the word plagiarism.  Totally off, and had her definition been the real definition, college kids across the country would start breaking out in an epidemic of cold sweats.

But let’s face it, Clinton’s dictionary has nothing on McCain’s dictionary; the same dictionary he used to string together the words that insisted he was not beholden to special interests.

I beg to differ.

The only way that statement he made could possibly be true was if every negative in John McCain’s dictionary actually translated to the affirmative.  So when he said, “Everyone’s talking about how they’re against the special interests, but I’m the only one the special interests don’t give any money to,” it would translate to, “…I’m really cashing in from any special interest that darkens my doorstep.”

Something gets a little lost in the translation, I’ll admit, but I think you get the idea.

After making his antagonism against lobbyists and special interests a key component of his candidacy’s narrative, McCain’s actual history seems to refute this narrative completely.  He has taken, as it turns out, the most money from special interests, including a considerable sum from the Paxson lobbying firm.  Also, let’s not forget how he has lobbyists running his campaign, including the recent hire of a high profile lobbyist to act as his campaign’s liaison with Capitol Hill.

I mean, really, where do the ties with lobbyists stop?

Apparently not here, because as has also come to light, there seems to be a very coincidental situation wherein McCain accepted quite a bit of money from the European based aeronautics company, EADS, around the same time when McCain played a key role in watching a contract move from the American based Boeing to the EADS subsidiary Northrup Grumman.

Now, this is all circumstantial evidence, I’ll admit.  Perhaps the EADS people who had never before given money in politics were all of a sudden doing so out of a new found sense of civic-mindedness.  And maybe McCain’s call for open bidding was done because of Boeing’s seeming monopoly and he did so completely ignorant of how EADS would benefit.  And maybe, just maybe, Alabama’s Governor was able to cash in on the use of Mobile as a work site was just a stroke of luck for the Governor and nothing more.

Sure, all just coincidences.  I’ll buy it.  And if you have some choice real estate out in a swamp for dirt cheap, why don’t you send me a brochure or two?  I was thinking of moving anyway.

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