On Republican Folly, Baseball Analogies and the Twins

Allow me to use a baseball analogy for a moment. Say you are an aspiring Major League manager. Your best bet to get a job is with the beleaguered Minnesota Twins, a team that is currently 14.5 games out of first, has won only 16 out of 48 games and is in last place overall in the league. At this point in the season the Twins are running a massive home run deficit having only been able to muster 164 runs (100 runs less than the top hitting Cincinnati Reds). You get your chance to meet with Twins owner Jim Pohlad to explain to him why you should be trusted as them man to turn this ship around. What do you say about how you would do it?

If you are any one of the current field of Republican Presidential candidates other than Mitt Romney or all but 13 of the members of the House and Senate combined (235 out of 241 in the House and 40 out of 47 in the Senate) you go to Mr. Pohlad and say boldly,

The Twins have a huge home run deficit problem that, if it continues unchecked, will undoubtedly ruin this once storied franchise. I am here to tell you that I can fix this problem and here is how I am going to do it.

First, hit (tax) increases are off the table. We need to cut hits (taxes) at all costs as it is a known fact that by cutting hits (taxes) it frees up the team to generate home runs (revenue) which will lead to more wins (jobs). So, no hit increases, period.

Second, I plan to do away with the medical staff and trainer program (medicare) as we know it and replace it with a system that provides the players with vouchers to go shopping at other teams for their sports medicine related needs. Star pitcher Nick Blackburn tears a rotator cuff? No problem, he can get a voucher to take to any team in the  league to get it taken care of. We know the other teams are altruistic and will most certainly provide the best care to our players even though doing so might run counter to their own team interests. Trust me.

Do you think Twins owner Jim Pohlad would hire you? Hell no he wouldn’t. If he didn’t pummel you senseless and have you tossed into the street he would most certainly laugh in your face.

So why is anyone taking the Republican’s seriously when this is in effect their current plan to deal with deficits in the United States? The insistence that tax hikes are off the table and that the only way to deal with our deficit problem is to cut needed entitlement programs like Medicare is even more ridiculous than your metaphorical plan to turn around the Twins because by October the Twins get to hit the reset button and start all over again but by November of 2012, if we go with the Republican plan, there is no do-over.

Postscript: I apologize for taking apart the Twins here but as a long time Tigers fan I am sure that if you sent Nick Blackburn to Detroit to get a non-existent shoulder injury looked after by Jim Leyland and Co. they would take the best care of him possible. 😉

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